ADHD, Dopamine and My Brain's Full-Time Job: Chaos

My brain thinks a notification is foreplay.

My need for dopamine hits causes real problems. Not catastrophic, just… persistent.

I start talking to a guy, and I want fast replies — not because I’m needy, but because every ping is a little electric jolt straight to my brain.

Day drinking? That’s a one-way ticket to stumbling home at 11pm because God forbid the fun ends whilst my dopamine’s still dancing.

I check my phone constantly like it might suddenly hold the answer to life’s mysteries. Or at least a mildly exciting notification.

I tell myself I love staying home because I can do whatever I want. Truthfully? I’m just running in circles, chasing the next hit. Always running. Always chasing.

And here’s where my brain really wins an award: I know it’s happening. I can feel the chase in real time. But when the high fades, the silence feels heavier. Like sitting in a café after the coffee’s gone cold, waiting for a refill that never comes.

So I refresh the feed. Send another text. Open another bottle. Because in my brain, stillness is suspicious, and excitement — even if it’s tiny and fleeting — feels like life itself.

Maybe the problem isn’t that I’m chasing the high, maybe it’s that I don’t know what to do when I catch it.