Caffeine, Crippling Doubt and a Hot Water Bottle

Doctor's orders: Rest, Reflect, Reconsider My Entire Life.

Chapter one, I fucked my back up.

I’ve been signed off work for two weeks. Two whole weeks of doing nothing which, frankly, is a terrible idea for someone like me.

The ADHD is ADHD’ing at full throttle. I’m almost a week in and I’ve fully misplaced my sanity, probably under the hot water bottle.

Every day I build a new life on a beach in my head. Meanwhile, I’m doom-scrolling Indeed, trying to find jobs that won’t break my body bit by bit.

I’m 26, lying here swizzling my fidget ring in a manic state, wondering how the hell I ended up like this.

I adore reading but my brain won’t shut up for long enough for me to get through more than a couple of pages.

The though of going back to work - the place that broke me - sends me spiralling. If we could live off air, I’d never go back. Maybe it’s just instinct. Primal. Protective.

But for now, this is my reality.

My job? To find coping mechanisms for all of it.